To focus on discipline is to ignore the real problem: We will never be able to get students (or anyone else) to be in good order if, day after day, we try to force them to do what they do not find satisfying.
– William Glasser/Choice Theory

Determining exactly what students expect from us and what we expect from them is a key to creating a positive classroom environment. The "old school" model of discipline/classroom management suggested that the teacher had to get control at the beginning of the school year and impose his or her expectations, rules, and punishments on students because an orderly environment today is a prerequisite for helping kids to take responsibility and become empowered tomorrow. Rarely does the one in control give up control. And even more rarely do students who need to develop maturity in decision making about behaving, learning or solving problems improve if denied the opportunity to practice.

Rewards and punishments are really two sides of the same coin (Kohn, 1995). And notice how different either one is from what we'd like children to be thinking about: "What kind of person do I want to be?" or "What kind of classroom do we want to have?" (Kohn, 1995). To help kids engage in such reflection, we must work with them rather than doing things to them. We have to bring them in on the process of making decisions about their learning and their lives together in the classroom. Children learn to make good choices and good decisions by having the chance to choose and to decide, not by always following directions from the teacher.

What if we engaged students in thinking for themselves? "How long is it taking us to get settled? Why? What can we do about that?" This entire process gets kids started thinking their way through their problems and creates a framework for student problem solving.

Kounin (1970) described teachers who constantly monitored the class not as control addicts but as ones who were attempting to understand who their students really are and what they need. There must obviously be a connection between Kounin's "withitness" and relationship building.